Dragon Fire-Z

Two years ago, a pair of teens wrote a Dragon Ball fiction - it sucked. BUT, now they are better at stuff, and are going to take a trip down memory lane. They will rewrite it! They have the technology! They will make it faster, stronger, and funnier! Then was Dragon Fire. Now is Dragon Fire-Z!

Chapter One - Depression, Sex, and Hunger

SPACE - 0:00 GMT (Midnight in London)

We see two beings fighting in space. One looks to be human, in armor that, well, looks like a rainbow shat upon! Every color known to man, monkey, dog, dolphin, and trout is on that armor! Move your eyes too fast over it and you will have an epileptic seizure - TWICE! MY GODS! Anyway, his skin is darkish and his hair and beard is blue. He is battered and bruised. The OTHER looks like Alien had a baby with an octopus. It's green and slimy and it has tentacles everywhere and ohmygoditsjusthorribleputmeoutofmymisery!!!
Person: [Pant] I shan't let thee harm the princess, [pant] o vile fiend!
Horrible thing of horribleness: [SCREECH!!]
Person: How darest thee insult mine mother like that, Moh!
Moh: [SCREECH!!]
Person: No matter what thou say, Moh, I, Xanthas shall slayeth thee o foul demon!
Moh then begins to charge up an energy blast in his innermost pair of jaws (he has three, one inside the other). Xanthas tries to shield himself with his arms, but it does nothing to ease the blast. He spirals down to Earth, as Moh laughs a creepy metalic alien laugh that eats your soul.



PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA - 19:15 (That's 7:15 PM for all you that can't read military time)

We skip scenes to a small apartment in Philadelphia. The apartment is filthy, as most are that are owned by the newly-graduated. One of the owners of this apartment bursts through the door holding two cups, one full of water ice, the other completely clean. His face and gray long-sleeved T-shirt is covered in red juice, a stark contrast to his very pale complexion. His hair is also white - almost silver - and one would almost think he was albino had he not had shining silver eyes.
Person: Jyn! I got water ice! [Begins walking towards Jyn's room]
[Muffled music is heard from inside]

Person: [Opens door] Jyn? [This is heard (at about 0:46)]
The room is dark and the shades are drawn. Jyn is seen on the bed, wearing lots of mascara and a black fishnet top. His hair is combed down over his eyes and dyed black.
Person: Bad new about your mom, Jyn?
Jyn: [Upsetly] Yep...
Person: Want some water ice?
Jyn: Water ice? [sigh] Silver, you just don't get it! My mother is DYING and I can't do anything about it! I just feel so helpless!
Silver: Hmm...So I guess that means I should tell those hookers I hired that you aren't in the mood now?
[Record scratch, song stops, Jyn perks up]
Jyn: WOAH! Wait! Hookers!? Aww, you always know how to cheer me up, man!
Silver: Hey, what are best friends for?
[Jyn and Silver hug]
Silver: Can I have your water ice?
Jyn: You just ruined the moment...
Silver: Oh...

And so, Jyn has sex with a hooker. And a hot, young one too, not one of the old, crusty, meth addicted, $3 ones. Oh hell, that'd cheer ANYONE up! Anyway, Silver decides to watch TV to drown out the noise.

TV:
News 1: And thus, the kittens were saved from the flood.
News 2: Thanks, Bob. Oh, This Just In! What appears to be a meteorite has crashed into the Delaware River. Authorities are calling the government to investigate.
Bob: That sounds scary, Janice.
Janice: It does, doesn't it, Bob.
Bob: And now, for the Fox Republicanizer Machine!

Silver turns off the TV in time. The hooker than leaves Jyn's room.
Silver: Convinient! [Goes into Jyn's room]
Jyn is seen naked, with his hair its normal, brown and spikey self. His man-parts are under a blanket and he is for some reason smoking a cigar.
Jyn: Thanks again, man!
Silver: You're welcome. Hey, why the hell are you smoking a cigar?
Jyn: I really don't know... [Throws cigar out of window, cat is heard screaming]
Silver: Anyway...a meteorite crashed into the Delaware!
Jyn: So?
Silver: So? It may have an alien trying to warn us of the impending destruction of the world in it!
Jyn: Yea, like THAT'll ever happen...
Silver: Just come on!
Jyn puts on his clothes, which look like that of The Great Saiyaman, except red, and without the cape or helmet, and they head to the river.

DELAWARE RIVER - 20:00

Turns out, it wasn't a meteor, but that weird seizure inducing guy from earlier. He is hanging on the edge of conciousness, but manages to tell them...
Xanthas: I [gasp] just farted [gasp] [faints]
Jyn: Ok.... that was weird...
Xanthas: ALSO! [Gasp] The world [gasp] is about to be attacked [gasp] by an evil alien...[faints]
Silver: Pay up.
Jyn: Damn it...
Silver: You know, I think we should help this dude.
Jyn: You're right...let's take him to that Conveniantly Placed Hospital!

CONVENIANTLY PLACED HOSPITAL, ENTRANCE - 20:30

Ridiculously Hot Nurse: Welcome to Conviniently Placed Hospital. My name is Yvonne, and I will nurse for the day. What seems to be the problem?
Silver: That meteorite that fell in the delaware was actually this dude. Can you help him?
Yvonne: I'll have one of the doctors take him and see what they can do for him. [Sexily] And what would you like me to do TO you?
Silver: Don't you mean for?
Yvonne: Nope
Silver: Well, I'm starving. Where is the cafeteria?
Yvonne: OR we could put your mouth to better use
Silver: What do you have in mind?
Jyn: HEY! BACK OFF!!
Yvonne: Oh! I'm terribly sorry! I didn't realise it was like that with you two! I'll leave you two alone. [Walks away]
Jyn: WAIT! I WAS TALKING TO SILVER!! I'M NOT GAY DAMN IT!!
Silver: Wait a sec...she was flirting with me wasn't she?
Jyn: No shit, Sherlock!
Silver: Hate when that happens...and you know what the worst part is?
Jyn: That she thinks we're gay?
Silver: No...I never found out where the cafeteria was!

CONVINIENTLY PLACED HOSPITAL- 23:00

Jyn had run off with a different hot nurse. Xanthas had been given a room and his lack of conventional organs had given the staff a migraine.

EARLIER

Doctor: When we gave a CAT scan we found that his organs were unlike anything we've ever seen before! This one where his stomach should be [points to X-ray] seems to be secreting a neon-green ooze.
Xanthas: [Mumble] Thas m' Squarglesploof...
Doctor: Is he concious?
Other Hot Nurse: Sleep talking, sir.
Xanthas: Take THAT bacon monster....[chews on bacon] (OMNOMNOMNOMOMNOMNOM)
Doctor: Where did that bacon come from?
Nurse: [Shrugs]
Silver: HE MUST HAVE MEAT VISION!! It's kinda like heat vision, but tastier!
Jyn: Nurse, you are incredibly hot. Can I tap 'dat ass?
Nurse: I love a man who's forward...even if he has absolutely no fashion sense....
Silver/Jyn: HOLY CRAP, THAT WORKED!!
Present - Yes, they are all idiots aren't they.
Silver: I'm hungry. I wonder when Jyn will stop screwing that nurse....
Plays
SUDDENLY, out of nowhere a strange man appears. He is wearing a neon purple catsuit (full body spandex uniform).
Man: FOOL! I am Shun! Minion of the great and all-powerfull Moh! Kneel before my wrath!
Silver: Oh, I get it! Moh-Shun: Motion...so, what are you, super fast or something?
Shun: Yes, actually...Now, FEEL MY POWER! [Pawnches Silver]
Silver: Ow, that fucking hurt! What are you trying to accomplish!?
Shun: I've been sent to defeat Xanthas in his unconcious and weakened state! HA HA HA!!

Will Shun suceed in his mission? Will Xanthas ever wake up? Will Silver ever find the cafeteria? Find out in the next chapter of Dragon Fire-Z!!!!!