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 DRAGON FLAME

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skullfest
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PostSubject: DRAGON FLAME   November 28th 2008, 4:01 pm

DRAGON flame chap.1




(takes place on earth in a city) it about 2 in the morning a cople named debra and shadow just
had sex .



debra: wow that was fun.

shadow: i know it was.

debra: well now (get cut off)

rober bracks in.

rober: give me all your money

shadow: oh shit what do we do.

they all hear cop sirens qickley the rober shoots the duge and runs away.



debra:oh shadow are you ok

shadow: yes ill be ok

5 minutes later shadow isnt doing GOOD

WILL shadow live find out next time in dragon flame.


Last edited by skullfest on November 28th 2008, 5:00 pm; edited 1 time in total
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skullfest
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PostSubject: DRAGON FLAME chap 2   November 28th 2008, 4:47 pm

CHAP.2



later that day shadow died.




9 months leter debra had a kid now she in the hospital.


debra:i wonder what i shale call him


debra: i know I will name him after his father .

debra: so it shadow.

10 years later at shadows at his soccer tryouts.


shadow: wow this is a big feild

??????:hey you I think i know you. well im sora.

sora:oh and this is my best friend sonic (pointing at sonic)

sonic: hi

Then instily they all became friends but,there was something they were unhumanley about them.


shadow goes home.

shadow: mom i meet the coolet kids at tryouts.

one week later.

sonic: hey sora my mom wants to know if you mom whant to go to Florda with her

sora: well why dont you invite shadows mom while i call my mom

sonic ok

shadow :yeah my mom can make it.

sora: yeah me two

so all the parents got on the plain but the plain crash.

when the hero herd this the got realy angry so angry the went super sain.That when they knew they were sains for the first time.

what will the heros do now that there orphans find out next time on dragon flame.
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Roy Mustang
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PostSubject: Re: DRAGON FLAME   November 28th 2008, 5:56 pm

Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.
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PostSubject: Re: DRAGON FLAME   December 4th 2008, 12:46 am

Roy Mustang wrote:
Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.

Me to.

You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start.

First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does.

Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit.
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Strider Zero
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PostSubject: Re: DRAGON FLAME   December 5th 2008, 5:13 pm

justinlynch3 wrote:
Roy Mustang wrote:
Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.

Me to.

You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start.

First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does.

Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit.


You have an excuse for your grammar since you live in Newfoundland. Skullfest lives in the US

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Ponky Poo
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PostSubject: Re: DRAGON FLAME   December 7th 2008, 1:26 pm

justinlynch3 wrote:
Roy Mustang wrote:
Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.

Me to.

You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start.

First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does.

Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit.

That is good advice. S'pecially the grammer part.
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justinlynch3
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PostSubject: Re: DRAGON FLAME   December 7th 2008, 7:11 pm

EpicSilver wrote:
justinlynch3 wrote:
Roy Mustang wrote:
Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.

Me to.

You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start.

First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does.

Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit.

That is good advice. S'pecially the grammer part.

Lol, just noticed I missed a n in amount Razz
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Ponky Poo
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PostSubject: Re: DRAGON FLAME   December 7th 2008, 8:10 pm

justinlynch3 wrote:
EpicSilver wrote:
justinlynch3 wrote:
Roy Mustang wrote:
Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.

Me to.

You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start.

First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does.

Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit.

That is good advice. S'pecially the grammer part.

Lol, just noticed I missed a n in amount Razz

Oh the irony lol!
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justinlynch3
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PostSubject: Re: DRAGON FLAME   December 7th 2008, 10:20 pm

EpicSilver wrote:
justinlynch3 wrote:
EpicSilver wrote:
justinlynch3 wrote:
Roy Mustang wrote:
Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.

Me to.

You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start.

First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does.

Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit.

That is good advice. S'pecially the grammer part.

Lol, just noticed I missed a n in amount Razz

Oh the irony lol!

Laughing
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Roy Mustang
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PostSubject: Re: DRAGON FLAME   December 11th 2008, 10:45 pm

XD
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skullfest
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PostSubject: Re: DRAGON FLAME   August 17th 2009, 2:32 am

Omg this realy does suck
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