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 Pot of Weirdness

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Srylanna
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Female Number of posts : 136
Quote : "The dead are likely dull fellows, full of tedious complaints—the ground's too cold, my gravestone should be larger, why does he get more worms than I do..."
Registration date : 2014-08-26

PostSubject: Pot of Weirdness   August 26th 2014, 10:00 pm

So, I doubt anyone would be very interested in my short stories considering what they mostly are, but I do write other stuff besides it. Lately, few friends and I took to reviewing Naruto chapters. I mostly write stuff and then they point out shit that I missed and give propositions at to what to add or cut. It is more of a humoristic take on them than actual review/critique/analysis, but heh. It is a nice way to unwind. Also, be aware that a lot of it is very sarcastic and I have a bit of a flare for drama.

This one was commented on by Zulkuss and Crimson Bomb as well as another friend who isn't on this site.

OBITO WAS THE COOLEST GUY!
A review of Naruto Chapter 687


Naruto chapters have long decreased in quality. That much cannot be contested. However, after growing bored with excessive “reviewing” done on the Naruto Chapter Thread my merry band of rascals and I had decided to do some reviewing of our own. So, here it is for your enjoyment or hatred. (BTW, I have no intent of answering to anyone who comments on this.)

The chapter opens with the direct continuation of the previous one as always and instantly we see that Obito is dying after courageously scarifying his chance to live to save Kakashi as Sasuke stares in what can only be described as constipated anger of not being able to do something. One must give credit to Kakashi here for lampshading his uselessness. Not that we didn’t already know that he was pretty much useless against the OP last minute villain that is Kaguya, but it is still nice to hear someone still being realistic about his place in the grand scheme of things. You go Kakashi-sensei! Of course, the brief moment of someone being realistic must be interrupted by the black, faceless lump that is Black Zetsu who seems to be the one calling the shots here as his mommy has all the personality of a block of concrete fresh from the factory. And wits to match it.

Of course, since Obito is now dying in a very dramatic manner after taking hits for not just one, but technically two of our dearest protagonists, everyone feels the need to stare at him instead of the villain in front of them. But that is okay, since Kaguya seems to be rather worse for wear too though we don’t really know why. Anyway, our protagonists are finally shown up close as Naruto calls Obito by his name with very dramatic elipses for stressing the drama of the moment, Sasuke is still wearing constipated angry face, and Sakura feels the need to ask what is going on because heaven forbid her supposed intellect would kick in when it isn’t needed for a pairing moment. Even the dying guy that is Obito, sees the pointlessness of their focus on him so he urges them to focus on the villain as he falls deep into pits of inner contemplations. There, he explains his rationale for saving Kakashi as new generation needs a pillar from the old to support it and apparently that is to be Kakashi for he is invaluable for some reason better left unmentioned because we aren’t really sure if Obito knows what it is.

We proceed with Black Zetsu expressing a comparison about Obito rotting away like garbage. Garbage that he is, a sentiment shared and expressed by majority of the fandom, is mercifully left unsaid. Worry not, fandom, as Black Zetsu works to remedy the missed opportunity by soon calling Obito rubbish as Naruto tries desperately to save Obito via use of his newly acquired Jesus-like powers. Everyone is rather fast to point out the uselessness of the attempt, Obito leading the charge, but Naruto wouldn’t be Naruto if he wouldn’t try to save everyone and their grandmother. Of course, Black Zetsu, so unaccustomed to Naruto’s hero-complex as we must remember he is still fairly new to the game of the big boys even though he has supposedly had a hand in everything in universe and is knowledgeable about everything (The fact that he missed Naruto’s hero-complex is perfectly reasonable as it doesn’t really kick in all that much. Not much at all. Really.), feels the need to question Naruto’s rationale of saving poor little Obito.

He is fast to remind us all of the terrible failure that is Obito, not that we needed a reminder, and Obito is fast to agree with him, because let’s face it, at this point Obito is pretty much aware of it and really wants to die already to get it all over with and meet Rin in afterlife. The only person expressing strong sentiments about it, is of course Naruto. Sasuke is otherwise occupied though as he has been dying to get his eye to recharge faster and really, anybody who used rechargeable batteries can't blame him. Such a cool down period for such a short period of usage. (As the writer of this review, I feel compelled to also note another possible comparison, but we already know Sasuke is practically asexual so I doubt it really has anything to do with that.) We are also given a glimpse of a figure on the cliff in the background, but who is that figure and does it really exist or belong there is not something anybody knows. And frankly, we don’t really care to know. Black Zetsu expressing the feelings of fandom on the matter of Obito is much more gratifying anyway.

Anyway, Sasuke is now finally able to act because as always, without his eye he can’t do shit so he is fast to charge straight ahead on Kaguya using his S/T jutsu to attack her with,... Brace yourself fandom, a Chidori. However, Kaguya is too smart for that and implores her brave and never before seen strategy of avoiding it via teleporting. As a single panel focuses on the Rinnegan just before the teleportation it performed, at least we can now safely assume that that is where her ability steams from so at least we got something from that waste of a page. Worry not! The next page more than makes up for it with a panel that takes two thirds of the page featuring a change in the world because that hasn’t become repetitive, and Sakura and Kakashi reacting to it again, because let’s face it, that is what they are there to do. Well, at least in the last panel, Sasuke activates his Susano’O, something he should have done in the first place, but what the heck! That page had to be used for something.

Meanwhile, Naruto is still healing Obito even though he was told several times it is a waste of chakra, but then again, considering his reserves, I don’t think he knows the meaning of those words. Sasuke takes initiative hoping to act as a decoy and get this plot going, but Naruto is stubborn to stay by Obito’s side. Kakashi is still speechless, but heck, he must be featured lest we forget he is there due to his complete inactivity. We hear a bit of profanities leaving Naruto’s lips, well about as profane as 4Kids would allow, as he is losing the battle for Obito’s life. Even the dying man in front of him seems to have less troubles dealing with it than Naruto as Obito accepts his long overdue demise with touching words of goodbye. He thanks Naruto for his final change of heart and the opportunity to redeem himself expressing the sense of happiness that he is feeling, pouring his heart out to the reader. Of course, their bond over striving for the title that has long lost its meaning, the notion of cooperation, and of course, a mandatory Rin-always-supported me flashback, are all called forth as Obito is leaving this world and the story, hopefully, for good. We lose another page there, but what is one page of Rincentric flashback compared to Obito finally getting out of the story? Definitely too much for most of us as it brought nothing new to the table.

As he slowly crumbles away into the wind, Obito implores Naruto to never change his path, confirming that Naruto had managed to TnJ him into believing his way is the best even though Obito had expressed nothing but disdain for it only few days ago in manga time, but that was so many chapters ago, so who really cares? As Obito crumbles into nothingness, Naruto and Kakashi are both overcome with emotions due to his departure and all Obito is thinking about is his dearest Rin and holding her hand. The fact that she died quite young and that he is about thirty now is mulled down by drawing them both as they were while genin. We don’t want to creep out fandom too much as we get another page of a creepy close up on Obito commanding Naruto to become Hokage as if it wasn’t Naruto’s goal from the start and as if he needs to reaffirm it. But heck, it opens for another page where Obito finally rots away and Naruto promises to his pieces that he would honour his wish with a hearty “Yeah” during an extreme close-up.

Meanwhile, author remembered that the final villain is still there and that Sasuke had activated his Susano’O so the focus shifts on them after another two thirds of the page of Obito’s pieces and Naruto and Kakashi feeling rather blue. The attack Kaguya implores does little but startle Sasuke as Susano’O deflects it completely. However, that gives us a reasonable excuse to divert the attention back to Naruto and Black Zetsu throwing words at each other as Black Zetsu, much like an average reader of Naruto, yet again feels the need to drive the last nail in Obito’s coffin by bashing him some more. One must note that the comparison of Obito to a cockroach is a rather valid one considering everything that the poor guy managed to tank before he was finally, and quite literally, dusted.

For some reason, that makes Naruto inexplicably angry and even Sakura is rather surprised, much like an average reader. Surprisingly, the pure and undaunted rage Naruto is feeling for the death of the man who is responsible for the entire mess they are in, for the untimely death of his parents, and for the deaths of many of his friends and comrades, gives him a huge boost in strength and speed as he slashes one of Kaguya’s arms off. The speed of rage is apparently so fast that Kaguya can’t even gather her wits (then again that could be explained by the fact that she has none) much less properly reacts to it. The super teleport avoiding is apparently nowhere near the speed of unjustified righteous rage. Supposedly, it is the arm containing Black Zetsu and Naruto had done it to shut him up already though, I suppose hacking off Kaguya’s head was out of question as shutting up Black Zetsu has the priority. As someone equally annoyed by him, I can only congratulate Naruto though I must wonder if getting rid of an annoyance is more important than saving the world. But priorities schmirorities. Obvious plot device is obvious.

But that is not all. Because we must not forget the person who had made all this possible, Obito. Or as Naruto would have it, and I must note that his tone left little to doubt of his fervour, Obito, the coolest guy. There you have it fandom. In the words of our dearest protagonist, Obito is the coolest guy. No ifs and buts about it. Nevermind all the villainous and heinous acts he had done through his life and most of which had made Naruto’s life quite harder to bear, Obito is the coolest guy there is and anybody questioning it will have this answer straight to Naruto. And quite possibly lose an arm in the process.

Of course, this wouldn’t be Naruto if another Rin and Obito moment wasn’t featured, that of the afterlife. One must wonder though how the age of people in afterlife is determined as Obito is once again aged backwards, probably in yet another attempt to make his happy end in the afterlife with Rin less creepy. He is a thirty-year-old man, still in love with a girl in her early teens, but that is okay, because he looks like he is in his early teens? I wasn’t this stumped by that since reading Twilight, to be honest, but whatever. I guess this is Kishimoto’s way of saying that making Tobi to be Obito was a total mistake and that Obito should have really died back in Kakashi Gaiden. Furthermore, Rin has been watching Obito on his path of messing up ever since she took her place in the afterlife and she is rather okay with everything he had done, as he was just lost. I guess her similarities with Sakura aren’t so skin deep in the end after all.

So, what are we to say after all this? It was a chapter where a lot of time was wasted and where many feelings expressed were simply out of place and without any logical or emotional backing. It was a chapter where any reason was yet again thrown out of window in favour of dramatic effect that ultimately failed because it isn’t congruent in the least with previously expressed sentiments or well, anything really. Overall, a messed up chapter that will only be remembered for Obito’s, hopefully, final death. Hopefully.
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Srylanna
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Quote : "The dead are likely dull fellows, full of tedious complaints—the ground's too cold, my gravestone should be larger, why does he get more worms than I do..."
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PostSubject: Re: Pot of Weirdness   August 26th 2014, 10:01 pm

Zulkuss and Crimson Bomb provided commentary

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
The review of Naruto Chapter 688


As a long time reader of Naruto and several other publications that come out in parts and that decline in quality over time, I am always careful about saying something had hit rock bottom because the authors often manage to out-do themselves. Sometimes, I do say that it can’t get worse and I was really close to saying that about the preceding chapter if for nothing then for the fact that Obito was declared the coolest/awesome guy. If I had, boy, would I have been wrong because this chapter just pulls out all stops on being completely illogical and generally senseless.

The chapter’s opening page had pretty much set up the feeling of disappointment for the rest of the chapter as once again Obito and Rin are featured. Honestly, we were quite sure we would never have to see them again after last chapter, but the author just can’t seem to ever say goodbye to Obito so we are stuck with another rather pointless page of Obito crying and Rin comforting him before we get to the point. You see, dear fandom, Obito is still quite afraid that Kakashi is going to, pardon my French, cockblock him so he is doing his utter best not to let that happen. Two more pages are wasted explaining that rather pointlessly as Obito uses his Mangekyou Sharingan to go back from afterlife and help Kakashi. How he does that considering he was quite literally dusted, is explained by some chakra power connection of the worlds. Considering what was said, an impression is left that even Obito is not quite sure what that means or how it is supposed to work so worry not fandom if you are heavily confused. At this point, even the characters are most likely rather confused.

Finally, Obito makes his way to the dimension number x that Kaguya has our dearest Team 7 in, as he materializes as some weird white chakra entity that jumps towards Kakashi’s face in a manner that is quite similar to your average bukkake session . Apparently, his MS ability allowed him to revive himself as such. He proceeds to materialise in Kakashi’s head where Kakashi and he are featured in their genin years. While understandable for Obito given his interaction with Rin that needed to be toned down regarding the creepiness in a very Twilight-ish manner, it is completely mind-boggling as to why it happened to Kakashi. But then again, it seems to support that old saying about all men being boys deep down inside. Though, one must wonder how deep Obito went. Anyway, Obito explains rather promptly that he came back to ensure no cockblocking happens anytime soon and how he wants to give Kakashi another present just as he did when Kakashi became a jounin. However, this is an in advance, might-expire present for becoming sixth Hokage of Leaf. You see, Obito is quite convinced that Kakashi should become Hokage before Naruto and since Obito says it, well, it must happen, but honestly, it simply reads out as yet another safe-guard against cockblocking for he is ensuring that Kakashi doesn’t get some weird ideas about self-scarification. We are also reminded of Kakashi’s reputation as Kakashi of Sharingan on the same page that features a rather shocking close up of Kakashi with not just one, but two Mangekyou Sharingans after which the focus is immediately moved to Naruto stabbing Black Zetsu with black rods. There is no kill like overkill and Naruto’s righteous anger about the insults on Obito’s account is still seemingly rather fresh. One might even compare it to Madara’s treatment of Tobirama regarding the death of Izuna, but Madara was somewhat justified there as Izuna was indeed his dear, albeit stupid, brother.

Page 7 finally features Sasuke whom the author had seemingly forgotten about for some time now because Obito had to return once again and Kakashi had to be promoted from the useless position he has been occupying for quite some time now. It is a rather disappointing appearance though, because Kaguya deals with him and his Perfect Susano’O rather effectively with just one wave of her remaining hand. But worry not world for Naruto is there to save the day as he is the one to do it all. He proceeds to attack Kaguya with his clones pumped up on Sage Mode chakra and tailed beast chakra as he created various versions of enhanced Rasenshurikens. One must really wonder how some of the additions enhance the attack, as there are things like ink included, but I guess that since Kaguya has only one pair of robes, it might leave her rather wroth and distracted. The attack connects with Kaguya and produces such an explosion that Sasuke doesn’t even have time to react, but must be saved by Naruto. Quite frankly, putting him down as a male Damsel in Distress once was quite hilarious as there was quite a bit of irony involved, but this time, it is simply in service of making Naruto look better and it is putting down Sasuke on a level of a mere side-kick. Of course, Sakura is there as the commentator now as she is once again, the most useless of the entire team before something quite nasty comes out from Kaguya and even Black Zetsu is quite astonished.

Apparently, the thing that came out of Kaguya is something that is not under her control, as it seems to be caused by Naruto’s attack and beasts calling out to each other as stated by Black Zetsu who now holds about the same position in the plot as Sakura. Whatever that means, the thing is uglier than any version of Juubi displayed beforehand and we could have lived without seeing it. Naruto feels the need to ask rather irrelevant questions as Sasuke more or less expresses the felling of the entire fandom because really, who cares? The Thing (not to be confused with Marvel Thing, which is rather cute if you ask me while this one is just plain ugly) starts to extend his chakra arms in an effort to suck in the chakra of all who are present. It managed to suck out a clone or two, while Naruto’s other clone punches Sasuke and original Naruto out of harm’s way. Naruto proceeds to give a warning to Sasuke not to go near hands as they will swallow him up in a manner that suggest a lot about Sasuke’s intelligence and even Sasuke seems to be rather irritated by that. Of course, they manage to evade the hands well enough unlike Sakura who seems to be in quite a pinch like a Damsel in Distress she, sooner or later, must be yet again. Naruto more or less commands to Sasuke to save her and in which manner and Sasuke proceeds to do so confirming his new sidekick status and forgetting all about what he had said about her in previous chapters. Or rather, try to do so as a mysterious black hand catches Sakura. We are treated to a Perfect Susano’O flying away as Naruto (whose realization that is couldn’t be Sasuke who is near him is quite delayed, more than it should be), Sasuke, and Black Zetsu are all confused as much as the fandom is about whose Perfect Susano’O it is.

And so, we get to the last page where it is revealed that Perfect Susano’O belongs to Kakashi, curtsey of Obito to whom Kakashi promptly thanks and later promises to protect his students and the world because God forbids Obito isn’t mentioned on the last page. Sakura is rather surprised and proceeds to call out to Kakashi who had saved her yet again (something to fuel KakaSaku yet again because nobody had to tell him to save her, amirite?). Naruto proceeds to fawn over Kakashi and reminds us of yet another moniker of Kakashi’s, that of a Copy Ninja while Sasuke is stuck yet again expressing the opinions of the fandom. Yes, dear Sasuke, it is impossible. It is impossible that Kakashi has summoned a Perfect Susano’O identical to that of Sasuke and Madara (aside from the minor senseless difference of a facial scar) who are both the transmigrations of the Elder Son unlike Kakashi. It is impossible that he did so without any problems. It is impossible that the author is trying to pass on that much bullshit in one page. But who cares because Kakashi is awesome and matters once again! I am a Kakashi fangirl and I’m proud of it. Amirite, fandom? Never mind that a rather taxing technique without any problems; never mind that there is no originality involved; never mind that none of that makes an ounce of sense because Kakashi-sensei is awesome and relevant again and we must all rejoice in that page. It doesn’t really matter that we are unsure whether that page is stupidly awesome or awesomely stupid. We must rejoice, fandom!

Overall, the chapter is a rollercoaster of messy and messier scenes where we are left bulging our eyes out in disbelief. We once again saw Obito and Rin even though we are all so sick of them and even though they are both dead. We saw Sakura returning to her Damsel in Distress position again which she can’t ever seem to shake off because God forbid Kakashi saved Naruto or Sasuke. And above all, we are left feeling a lot of pity for Sasuke because he was reduced to a position where his efforts always fail and where he can’t seem to do anything without Naruto telling him to do so. The apparent state of no initiative on his end is simply there to make Naruto look good, as Sasuke really doesn’t need Naruto to tell him that the hands will swallow him. He saw that just as he would have saved Sakura if for no other reason other than to return a favour. I don’t believe he would be dastardly to that level as to just let her die considering she did save him. It is a chapter where a lot of pages were wasted yet again and which is so bad, it is starting to near that border of “so bad it is good” area but isn’t there quite yet making it just terrible and neigh impossible to rationalise. It isn't even worth a try so just go and fanboy/fangirl over Kakashi being awesome. It is much more rewarding than thinking logically about this chapter.
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Srylanna
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Quote : "The dead are likely dull fellows, full of tedious complaints—the ground's too cold, my gravestone should be larger, why does he get more worms than I do..."
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PostSubject: Re: Pot of Weirdness   August 26th 2014, 10:03 pm

Commentary provided by Crimson Bomb, Zulkuss, and Strider Zero

SEAL THAT RABBIT GRANNY, TEAM 7!
The Review of Naruto Chapter 689


Once upon a time, the story of a young boy named Naruto began and soon it became a story of Team 7 too. Three rowdy and different kids joined together in their quest to become shinobi, all with their goals and motives, strengths and weaknesses, pasts and futures and put under the guidance of a silver haired scarecrow who didn’t like them at all, but had passed them as his first team ever regardless. It was as unlikely beginning to a story as ever and the story turned out as unlikely as possible and hard to believe to boot. After the fiasco of the previous chapter, this one improves, but not sadly, it is just not enough as it fails in a completely different way.

As we start the chapter, we are reminded right away at the cause of a lovely shitstorm two weeks ago as Kakashi’s Perfect Susano’O is featured next to The Thing who looks much less disgusting when it isn’t wholly shown. And boy, Kakashi’s Perfect Susano’O is irrefutably flying as he is flapping his lovely papery wings. He doesn’t seem to have much concern for Sakura though as she is thrown around as a rag doll, but then again, she is inside of the perfect protection so no need to worry much about her well-being. Kakashi therefore proceeds to attack Kaguya with lovely Kamui infused Shurikens in the shape of Obito’s Mangekyou Sharingan. How? I don’t even care at this point. It looks bloody damn awesome and at least it is something singularly Kakashi’s. (Kakashi fangirl, remember?) The attack connects with The Thing’s arms and indeed has an effect on them after which Kakashi proceeds to announce that he has Rikudo’s power in him making his eyes stronger. Sakura naturally wonders from where Kakashi got Obito’s Sharingan much like the fanbase sometime ago and Naruto proceeds to state that it is much cooler than anything Sasuke’s got with which I’m inclined to agree at this point. Sasuke seems to notice the Rikudo chakra and has to comment on it to drive the point deeper in the reader’s mind even though Kakashi had outright said it one panel ago, but I’m guessing the author is at this point rather worried about fanbase’s short term memory so it is his contribution to making sure it sticks. Next page simply features Kaguya retracting The Thing and reverting to her pretty, compact self so nothing I can really say about that aside from wonder if the whole page was really needed for that.

Black Zetsu makes another appearance as he simple took on the role of the narrator and go-to explanation reference book though one must wonder just how reliable he is considering his list of elements is rather confusion as wood replaced water in what seems to be a list of basic elements. Apparently, Kaguya is trying to create a new dimension and Black Zetsu is convinced that our dearest Team 7 will be a lovely sacrifice for its birth. Team 7 begs to differ though. Naruto compares the Godoudama Kaguya summoned to mini ones on his back and Sasuke points out that Naruto’s pales a tiny bit in comparison considering the sheer size. Kakashi states the obvious once again as he says he can’t Kamui that thing even with super juice from Rikudo gained via Obito. Of course, Naruto and Sasuke, being the genii they are, figure out the need “to seal that rabbit granny to stop that” and Sakura wholeheartedly agrees though it is quite debatable as to whether or not she truly understands a word that is being said. Kakashi, now rather cocky and confident takes back that lovely leadership position making it seem like he was rather letting Naruto and Sasuke play at leadership for the past few chapter and, now that he has his mojo back, shit is about to get serious. He drives the point about saving the world further while Team 7 offers lovely monosyllabic answers in return. I should point out that Sasuke is still verbally the laziest one as his answer is a very half-assed “Hn”. Someone should point it out to him that it isn’t a valid word because he is honestly abusing the shit out of it. Startling everyone, Kaguya speaks revealing she indeed has the gift of speech against all odds. Sadly, it doesn’t make her better, wittier, or more intelligent. Naruto is for some reason rather riled up by her confident proclamation of killing at least one of them off in effort to prevent the sealing while Sasuke is being level-headed and proposes a joint attack because Kaguya is so scared of their sealing mojo.

Naruto and Sasuke mount a joined attack on Kaguya while she counterattacks targeting the supposedly weaker links, Kakashi and Sakura. She manages to get through Kakashi’s Perfect Susano’O (so much for perfect defence) with her lovely bones, but Kakashi’s got that Kamui hax now and he just goes through things as he mentally references Obito once again because frankly, he hadn’t thanked him enough just yet. Kakashi uses a Kamui infused Raikiri to sever off Kaguya’s right arm because arms are her weak spot as Sasuke and Naruto attack her from both sides. Apparently, her previously instant dimension openings seem to be too slow to allow her evasion as explained by Black Zetsu leaving Kaguya only the option to attack one of them. Only, our dear heroes are prepared for all her trickery with her bones and dimensions as they had merely sent a clone instead of Sasuke as a diversion as they had cunningly predicted her moves to a T and Kakashi’s lovely Kamui nicely counters her improvisation. Nice try Kaguya, but they are just too gosh darn smart for you.

Now, the real Naruto and Sasuke take the stage to seal the lady of the hour as she has an internal debate as to which dimension to send them to. Surprisingly, the sea of acid dimension never even crosses her mind and for some reason, Sasuke having Amaterasu is rather bad for her though it never posed a problem for Madara who shrugged it off like a boss. Exactly why is left unexplained because she isn’t sure either, but we are pretty sure it amounts to “Caution! Hot fire is bad for ice.”. She just knows it is bad and her intellect isn’t developed enough to question it. Luckily, her internal monologue left her just enough time to dodge upwards where, to general astonishment, as hilarious as that sounds, Sakura awaits ready to strike determined not to be taken lightly as she is a woman too. I guess Sakura never got the memo about women not really being ever seen as a threat in Narutoverse, even by other women. Sakura lands a strike at Kaguya, right in the head much to everyone’s surprise as depicted by even Black Zetsu’s shocked expression. Yes, Black Zetsu, we can sympathize with you. We didn’t see that coming either. Kakashi seems to be put in a rather joyous mood by this as he proceeds to announce that he finally likes his team even though he didn’t like them in the beginning thus bringing the story of Team 7 and their progress to a very surprising and unpredicted full circle. Such a plot twist, people.

So what to conclude about this chapter? It did try very hard to explain Kakashi’s leap of power and it did finally give Kaguya some lines as lame as they were. It even gave a role to Sakura in the joined strike as hard to believe as that is. It did try to bring the story of Team 7 to a full circle. So what is really there to argue? The general idea doesn’t seem to be half that bad. I’m guessing it went wrong with the fact that at this point, it is all very hard to believe. After the unlikely Perfect Susano’O showed up, it is hard to accept any explanation no matter the amount of sense it makes. After Kaguya being bland for so long, it is hard to accept just a few equally bland sentences as a sufficient characterisation of the supposed final villain. After being made brutally aware of the difference in power between Sakura and the rest of Team 7, it is hard to accept any participation from her on this level. After so many chapters where Team 7 hadn’t played a large role and that hadn’t healed from being torn to shreds in oh so many earlier chapters, it is hard to accept that they had indeed come to a full circle without being given time to heal. Where this chapter really crumbles is the willing suspension of disbelief because it is asking too much and yet still offering far too little to compensate.
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Srylanna
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Quote : "The dead are likely dull fellows, full of tedious complaints—the ground's too cold, my gravestone should be larger, why does he get more worms than I do..."
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PostSubject: Re: Pot of Weirdness   September 6th 2014, 6:53 pm

Zulkuss and Crimson Bomb provided commentary

NINJA'S CREEPY SMILE!
The Review of Naruto Chapter 690


The final villain battles are the always supposed to be the most exciting ones with most suspense as they end with a bang. Instead of ending with a bang, Naruto’s seemingly final battle ended with a flop. I think it is safe to say that it was expected after the previous chapter, but there was some glimmer of hope that it isn’t it just yet. However, this chapter proved us that it is indeed over for Kaguya and in such an anticlimactic manner that fandom simply refused to believe it.

The first page opens up to Team 7 courageously and finally sealing away Kaguya who is now sporting a rather nasty bruise making her somewhat less pretty than she used to be. Someone slugged her good and it is a shame it can’t possibly be Sakura because Cat Fight is just what this last fight needed. Anyway, the next page shows the actual sealing starting and Kaguya’s third eye closing via some mysterious force as she bitches about being defeated again. Somehow, Sakura vanished from there, but that is hardly important because Sakura really isn’t important here. What is important that we get another panel where Naruto and Sasuke are compared to Hamura and Hagoromo as Kaguya remember the last time she was sealed. The page is not fully wasted as we see that the symbols on our hero’s palms are gone leading up to them showing up on Hagoromo’s palms on the next page as he prepares to bring them back. Several next panels depict beasts running out of the Rabbit Thing and Kakashi saving Sakura yet again because we really hadn’t had enough of that just yet and Son Goku telling Kurama ½ that his jinchuuriki is nice. And you can just see Kurama beaming with pride. As the ground rises and begins to form a moon around the Gedo Mazo, Rabbit head spits out Madara’s body right far away enough so that he wouldn’t be sealed in the newly created moon. It is to be noted that he no longer sports the Hashiboob likely due to Kaguya sucking it all out.

Sasuke rejoins Kakashi and Sakura together with the beasts and very cleverly points out that they have to leave. Kakashi is fast to ask about Naruto’s whereabouts while Sakura just looks at Kakashi with a big question mark above her head. Whether she is sharing Kakashi’s worry or is wondering who the hell is Naruto is left to the reader’s interpretation. Have fun with that one, shippers. Sasuke, of course, pays her no mind and answers Kakashi’s question in a rather useless manner. Naruto had something he needed to do and Sasuke would never think about questioning him about anything. He’ll rather just point the obvious again and tell Kakashi and Sakura that they need to get away from there. Worry not, reader, for the next page more than makes up for Sasuke’s lack of relevant information as it shows us exactly what it was that Naruto needed to do. You see, despite the fact that Black Zetsu was hiding in the shadows, Naruto did take a note of him and since he knows how much he loves his mommy dearest, he will not let them be separated. Finally, the obnoxious grin is wiped out from Black Zetsu’s face as he realises just what Naruto plans to do with him. Why he feels the need to provoke Naruto further is beyond me. Naruto remembers all the people who died including Itachi, Nagato, and Obito side by side with Zabuza, Haku, Hiruzen, Asuma, Neji, Jiraya, and his parents as he points out to Black Zetsu that he is just a brat and that he’ll never truly understand the shinobi system. Since Naruto is really pissed now, he proceeds to fling Black Zetsu to be sealed just before the new moon forms. We are featured a new panel of a close up of Naruto’s face just to show further how pissed he is.

Naruto finally rejoins the rest of Team 7 and the beasts as Kakashi states the obvious yet again. Naruto proceeds to take a nice guy pose as he tells Sakura that now everyone can live happily ever after and she is genuinely happy for a panel until she realises that they have no way to get out of the x dimension Kaguya had transported them in causing Naruto to freak out. Son Goku immediately remedies his statement to Kurama saying that Naruto is a bit stupid and it is heavily implied Kurama agrees. However, their worry is for naught as we are shown panels and panels of historical Kages summoning them all back. Minato is the first one to wish them welcome, or rather, wish welcome to Naruto who is still surprised at seeing his father. Really, Naruto, Edo Tensei, get used to it. Hashirama’s gaze is immediately drawn to Madara’s motionless body and one can just see the longing there. Sakura’s attention is however drawn to Hagoromo so she immediately asks Naruto about his identity because it isn’t obvious at all and Naruto is glad to answer it. Hagoromo proceeds to explain them the mechanics of the summoning jutsu he used with historical kages to bring them back (not that anyone asked him) before she proceeds to thank everyone (namely, Naruto and Sasuke) for saving the world. One of the most creepy old man smiles that I’ve yet had the misfortune to witness accompanies his finishing lines thus ensuring that the fandom will take the following weeks debating about Hagoromo taking the final villain cap.

In the end, it is really hard to say anything as the chapter was a sum of many pages showing the same. It was slow, it was anticlimactic, and the characters were just boring with pointing out the obvious times and times again. It is a chapter where we say goodbye to Kaguya, the pointless villain with all the personality of a block of concrete and her son who hadn’t seemed to be able to sever that umbilical cord with her just yet. The only true highlight was Naruto’s handling of Black Zetsu outlining how it is better to become independent else you end up sealed in the moon. The final message, however, is that if you are an old man with a lined face you should never smile. Everyone will just assume you are up to no good and in case you are god of shinobi, you definitely don’t want that.
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PostSubject: Re: Pot of Weirdness   September 6th 2014, 8:35 pm

Commentary provided by Zulkuss, Crimson Bomb, Strider Zero, and Makaze.

NOTHING SURPRISES ME ANYMORE!
The Review of Naruto Chapter 691


In the previous chapter, Kaguya was sealed and as it was obvious there is nobody else to take that villain cape, it was also pretty obvious that this chapter will be a conclusion in more ways than one. The heroes are tired and the zombies don’t belong to this world. Relics of the past should leave the present and the future for those to come after them. They should not interfere. That was mainly the point of this chapter and the chapter does the conclusions or rather goodbyes well enough. There are some failings to be noted, and there are more than enough things to make fun of, but the goodbyes were done well and that is all that really matters because they are the point. But I digress.

As the final page of the last chapter showed a rather creepy Hagoromo, it is only befitting that the first page of the new one disproves all the theories about Hagoromo going the villain way, as he is featured in a rather pleasant chat with the gang. Kakashi is still wondering about his identity even after Naruto had ever so eloquently explained it not all that long ago (must be brain damage that is causing his short term memory to glitch) though Hagoromo is fast to remind him and Sakura is once again expressing the feelings of the fandom. Yes, Sakura-chan, after all that crap, nothing can surprise us anymore and everyone is damn tired of it. The summoned kages are fast to comment on the changes in the world around them. It is really a point of wonder that they are so surprised by it considering it was heavily implied that afterlife people are capable of seeing the current world if Rin is to be believed. However if Zabuza is to be believed, then one must wonder how they are able to note any change considering that they hadn’t really seen much of that world.

Anyway, a few panels are waster on their reactions and one panoramic image featuring all the beasts before the focus shifts back to Hagoromo and Team 7, more specifically conversation between Hagoromo and Kakashi. Kakashi flatters Hagoromo a bit by calling his feats godly and one must understand Kakashi-sensei. Sucking up to a higher force is never a bad thing. Hagoromo is a benevolent creature, however, and he returns the compliment promptly referencing Kakashi’s leadership abilities that were vital in the final defeat of Kaguya and never mind the pesky people who did all the work. Kakashi, being the soul of modesty, is fast to transfer credit on Naruto, Sasuke (who did the sealing), and Obito (whose powers he borrowed), but Hagoromo is determined not to bulge on this. Kakashi was vital, no ifs and buts about it.

Naruto is seemingly quite bored with all that talk with god of shinobi as he runs away to joyously tell Kurama just how much he had missed him and Kurama just promptly flips him off just before Hagoromo point out how Tsun Tsun Kurama is. He also points out yet again that Naruto is indeed the child of prophecy who will be able to get the beasts to offer help of their own accord because we hadn’t heard enough of all that destined child crap. Sakura seems rather proud there if the gentle expression is to be believed while Sasuke seems very pissed and jealous. We understand Sasuke. Nobody is giving you credit for all the shit you did. Sorry, but you just aren’t destined for greatness. Here, a tissue. Watch that Rinnegan. Don’t want to bruise it.

The next pages take a turn for worse as the focus shifts from Naruto to Obito as Kakashi explains that Naruto helped to even bring Obito back and Hagoromo is just dying to have a chat with Obito to hear all about it as he asks Kakashi if Obito is still there. From that point, we are shown Obito, who is still inside Kakashi, finally saying his goodbyes to Kakashi. He admits that he messed up the shinobi world, but that really doesn’t matter as nobody really cares considering he changed in the last minute. Remember fandom, Obito is the coolest guy. Yes, I know, it makes little sense, but you should go take it up with Naruto. He is the one who said it. Anyway, Obito is finally leaving (again) to get some of that sweet Rin’s whatever considering they are kids in the afterlife saying he’ll use saving Kakashi as an excuse for being late. As Obito’s chakra leaves Kakashi, he loses his temporary Mangekyou Sharingan and proceeds to collapse. Luckily, Sakura is there to catch him and Kakashi tells her that the days of Kakashi no Sharingan are over as if that wasn’t obvious enough. Sasuke, on the other hand, has far more pressing issues to concern himself with as he spots Madara’s motionless body and makes a move to finish Madara once and for all.

However, if things went Sasuke’s way, this wouldn’t be Naruto the manga and Hagoromo too is quite insistent on making that clear as he blocks Sasuke letting Hashirama and Madara have their moment. Nevertheless, Hagoromo is above all a teacher, so he proceeds to lecture Sasuke about pointlessness of his actions and that he should sit back and take notes because he might just learn something from this. Madara and Hashirama are now involved in a deep conversation about their dreams as Madara finally recognizes the superiority of the Will of Fire and how his way was the wrong one, made evident by the fact that it came to an end. They reminisce about their childhood, and dreams, and personality traits and gods know what else as Madara passes away from this world and Hashirama, being a zombie, knows he is soon to follow him. Finally, Madara passes away and Hashirama is sad even though he is dead too as Sasuke witnesses the exchange while he is likely applying it in his head to his and Naruto’s friendship. Sorry, people, no Naruto vs Sasuke for anyone.

As Hagoromo makes an announcement about sending all the zombies back to the Pure World, Naruto goes on to say his final goodbyes to his father in a very emotional scene where Minato congratulates Naruto his birthday and promises to tell Kushina all about what Naruto is like. Naruto follows it up with an answer to all the things Kushina wished for him as she was dying while Sakura is still holding Kakashi (go sail KakaSaku), Sasuke is still pissed, Hokages are disintegrating, and shippers are given new bait. The scene closes off with Naruto repeating his dream of becoming Hokage and Minato finally disappears with a promise to tell Kushina everything. Let the tears stream people, this is emotional!

All in all, it was a not so bad to decent chapter. There was nothing inherently bad about it as it focused mainly on the interactions between the characters and emotional goodbyes. One can understand Madara and Hashirama’s goodbye as they were friends and had a long history. As many jokes as one can make about Kakashi an Obito, one can understand that too. Obito did save Kakashi several times, and Kakashi does owe him for that, and Minato’s goodbye with Naruto is just to be expected. It was a chapter where not that much really happened at is was more of a conclusion with the past so that venues for future could be explored in the next one, mainly a resolution between the paths the world is to take. Unlike previous chapters, it wasn’t weighted down by dubious power ups and bad strategies. It wasn’t a great chapter either as it still leans on the chapters before it and no amount of emotion is capable of bridging the gaps left by them, but one can enjoy it as Sakura had finally said, we are all tired of weird things happening and it is finally ending. There is something in that.
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PostSubject: Re: Pot of Weirdness   September 17th 2014, 2:45 pm

Commentary provided by Zulkuss.

VIVA LA DERPVOLUTION!
The Review of Naruto Chapter 691

A smart man once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time. If that is so, then Sasuke is most definitely insane. Not only is he repeating his usual act of changing his plan as one changes his socks, but he is also trying to essentially repeat the plans of Madara, Obito, and Danzo of all people. He may not understand the consequences of his plans nor what it leads to, but if so, then his entire supposedly very thought out plan is nothing more than a whimsicality of a lost boy who heard the plan and hadn’t thought with his head for a moment to realise all that it entails. And exactly that apparent whimsicality is what this chapter relies on thus fails in every way it can as a build up. However, enough of this prologue let us get to the chapter.

The beginning shows us the aftermath of the final, touching farewell between Naruto and his father as the Kage are being de-summoned and the beasts watch together with a creepy-smiling Hagoromo, touchy-feely KakaSaku, and jealous Sasuke. Don’t deny it, Sasuke boy. We all know it is true. You are jealous and jealousy combined with your constipation must be taking a toll on you, but I digress. The next page offers us a closer look upon the decaying Hokages. Hiruzen offers his last goodbyes, not forgetting Sakura either, and Tobirama just seems very glad that his brother’s bromance with Madara might finally be over as Hashirama casts one final look at Madara’s dead body. Naruto is still crying due to a very touching goodbye he had with his father and Sasuke is looking rather sad. Well, as sad as Sasuke can look though one must wonder what it is that is making him so sad. Hashirama expresses his final wish of Naruto and Sasuke getting it right unlike him and Madara, after which we see trees sprouting out of an unidentified body, which could be some random Zetsu.

The next page features the Tailed Beasts as they discuss their plans for future in a rather optimistic manner as Hagoromo explains that Naruto is now a walking walkie-talkie for the beasts to talk to each other. Kurama is of course acting all Tsun Tsun because Hagoromo told him he must stay with Naruto to preside over the Tailed Beasts meetings, but Hagoromo just ignores his Tsun Tsun ways as he asks Naruto and Sasuke about their answers. Of course, Naruto is still sure of his ways, which is only natural considering he has been giving the same answer for the majority of his life and instead chooses to reflect on the un-motherly nature of Kaguya’s as opposed to Kushina’s motherly persona. Hagoromo of course blames the all mighty Chakra Fruit for Kaguya’s heartless ways thus continuing the he good nature of Naruto, the manga of switching blame to someone else. In this case, something else. So essentially, nobody is to be blamed for anything. Kishimoto’s life goal was thus accomplished.

Of course, we get to the burning issues of people stuck in Infinite Tsukiyomi as Hagoromo states that it is simply Naruto and Sasuke who need to undo it in a rather simple manner and thus we turn to Sasuke. Now, Sasuke wouldn’t be Sasuke if he wouldn’t mess up the perfectly lovely scene by going coo coo for cocoa puffs and stating that he is about to kill the Gokages. This causes people to stare intently at him wondering if the heard him right and Kakashi seems rather pissed while Sakura is just plain confused. This is likely too much for her Sasuke riddled heart to take though I can genuinely sympathise with her confusion. Naruto and Hagoromo, though, seem like they expected it, which is only natural for Hagoromo considering he already heard this answer. Sasuke had finally decided to be proactive and had stated right away that he also plans to destroy the beasts as he puts them under his control using his extra-special with cherry on top Rinnegan to control them. Of course, Kurama wanted to crush that little pesky bug named Sasuke, but that Rinnegan is just too overpowered even for a big hunky, mass of chakra that is Kurama.

Hagoromo proves himself rather dastardly as he informs Naruto that he is sorry for how things with Sasuke turned out, but that his time is running out and that he cannot help him worth shit. Naruto proceeds to very optimistically state that he and Sasuke are nothing like Ashura and Indra and will therefore not end up like them. Hagoromo in his thoughts reaffirms that he had known all about Sasuke’s plans before he bestowed his powers on Sasuke, which makes one wonder just how stupid he is. Kakashi asks Sasuke is this is still about the revenge and his facial expression implies that he is getting tired of this shit too while Sakura gives “Sasuke-kun” a look that highly implies she considers him a big baby at this point and I do have to agree. Sasuke of course, takes this chance to explain his new, never before heard plan of revolution, destroying and rebuilding from start. I would also like to note that when Sasuke makes a creepy face accompanied with a proclamation of destroying the world, everyone is so accepting, but when Hagoromo gives just a slightly creepy smile, everyone flips his or hers table.

Sasuke proceeds to use Chibaku Tensei to trap all the Tailed Beasts in big balls of ground because chakra reserves have long become obsolete and Kurama is fast to seek help from Naruto who earnestly promises it. Sasuke states that he had learnt to use Rinnegan really well through this battle and that it is time for him to shine in full light as all obstacles are removed from his way and only Naruto is left. Hagoromo again repeats his completely not thought out action of giving Sasuke the Rinnegan as Naruto states that the sibling rivalry ends then and there. Curtains down. Chapter end. We finally get the epic NaruSasu battle we have been all waiting for so long in the following chapter.

So, which joke to make this week? Honestly, I’m all out of them. I did not think it possible, but after Sasuke’s numerous heel-face and face-heel turns, I have run that river freaking dry. Sasuke’s plan has more holes than Swiss Cheese and it is hard to find any semblance of justification as to why the fight with Kaguya would have him think this is such a great idea nor why would this seem to anyone like such a great idea with all the issues it has. I won’t state the fallacies and the factually wrong premises of his reasoning because they were already stated too many times, but one should still keep them in mind. Sasuke’s latest face-heel turn feels very forced and staged and extremely weak as a build up to what is supposed to be the most epic fight we ever saw in Naruto, the manga and it is something his character couldn’t take. Not just because of how it must play out now, but also because of all the face-heel turns he had over the manga. There is only so many times a character can do that before it gets boring and Sasuke reached that point a while ago. Nevertheless, all is great as long as we get that NaruSasu fight, right peeps?
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