Fallout:Brotherhood Discussion/Updates

How do you feel so far about each chapter and other stuff about Fallout:Brotherhood.

UPDATE I (9/27/13)-For all future updates to the topic, I will put them here, I will obviously say if an update is made or not. First of all, this entire fan-fiction is now being rewritten. Still the same characters and similar stories, but now it'll take place in New Vegas. Some characters descriptions will be change and 2 new characters will join the team. So I hope enjoy the future revision.

UPDATE II (9/29/13)-Prologue 2 is now done. Enjoy!

Chapter 1 wasn't bad. Few things though.

1: Descriptions are absent and so assuming the reader was not prompted to submit a character, they'd have no idea what the people look like.

2: I thought it was Tray, not Troy? Correct me if I'm wrong.

1.I'll add them here so everyone can see
2.Yea, but I feel like Troy is cooler. Just a minor change

This is the slow start of the series before we get into deep shit.

Here's the updated main characters list (new back stories/ 2 new people)

1st
Name-Richard Lionstrike
Age-26
Gender-Male
Race-Human
Job-Former BOS (Brotherhood of Steel)
Mission-Just do his job for the best of people
Apperance-Dark hair, wears BOS armor when on missions (Besides helmet), wears a leather jacket and brown pants with black shoes for regular attire. Is white skin and brown eyes.
Personality-Innocent, kind, respectful, some anger issues, a deep pocket. Against his brother's way.
Combat-Uses his Combat Shotgun, Lucky, sometimes a laser pistol. Not good with hand to hand or melee weaponry
Back story-He join the Brotherhood of Steel at 16 years old after running away from his family in Freeside. He was to remain in the bunker until it was uplift by the Elder McNamara. He then quit the BOS of personal reasons and went to travel for justice in the wasteland. He is join by his brothers and others to search for the "greatest peace in hell."

2nd
Name-Roger Lionstrike
Age-28
Gender-Male
Race-Human
Job-Former NCR
Mission-To make Richard's life a living hell.
Apperance-Same as Richard except he is a little darker white and he has a little blondish hair. He wears a regular red hoodie and black pants and shoes.
Personality-Respectful, but has a darker tone on things. More crazy than his brother and goes bat shit insane when pissed. More fighting than diplomatic.
Combat-Uses rifles, handguns, and grenades. Better with melee weapons than his brother.  Good with assassinations/sneaking.
Story-He was a former NCR soldier, only using them for food and drinks, got kicked out, threaten by death to never return. Join his brother and his friends to a journey of hell.

3rd
Name-Troy Burton
Age-31
Gender-Male
Race-Super Mutant
Job-Former Scientist for Vault X
Mission-Give Justice to the wasteland.
Appearance-Troy is light-green skinned with short black hair that is in a closed crop style. He has green eyes, a brown shirt with a lighter brown tattered vest, brown dress pants(rugged a little) and brown combat boots.
Personality- Due to his past, he is very cold in his approach to other people. He hates people in general and always has some nasty, venomous thing to say in the most optimistic situations. Despite all this, he fights to keep some sense of justice and revenge at the same time.
Combat-Melee and big guns. What else to say. But he likes to make more diplomatic decisions.
Back story-He, his wife Beth and their son, Robby, live in Vault X, a secret vault to hold the world's smartest people. The vault was abducted by Enclave warriors and use for test subjects. They use the FEV virus on all three of them. Robby and Beth were killed in the experiment. He turned into super mutant and was saved by Richard and Roger. Became friends with them fast for saving him and vow to serve them. His deep hate for humans is less noticeable around Richard and company, but with others, he shows it in ways that can be almost disturbing.

4th
Name-Luger Steel
Age-123
Gender-Male
Race-Ghoul
Job-Caravan Guard
Mission-Making caps.
Appearance-Well like a ghoul, very rough skin. Some brownish hair, but more bald. Wears a white shirt with blue jean shorts. brownish shoes. On his hip, a pink teddy bear.
Personality-Very layback, not caring for much of the world. Very private of his personal life. Very touchy of the teddy bear, will hurt you if you touch it. Despises Caesar's Legion more than anyone else.
Combat-Basic pistol and some rifle skills. Very basic fighter. Avoid as much confrontations as possible.
Back Story-Not much is known, but he is said to live in Las Vegas for most of his life. He is said to make caps to live of the land. Usually guards caravan around the place. Joins Richard's group for some reason he can't explain. Just need a company to travel with (or maybe there is something more...)

5th
Name-Alicia Micheal
Age-23
Gender-Female
Race-Human
Job-None
Mission-Finding her missing husband (also to note, no shipping with the other guys, so don't expect typical "fanfiction 101")
Appearance-Long blonde hair, dark brown eyes, usually wears sunglasses. wear regular jeans, brown vest with a blueish button shirt. Brown shoes. Has a long back birth mark of a scar. Rumors to got it from some Great Khans.
Personality-Very quiet, but damn fierce in conversation. Mostly very normal. Reads lots of old pre-war books. Fear of radroaches. Pretty nerdy type.
Combat-Sucks at fighting, but more of a tech person
Back Story-She was born in New Reno. After running away from her sexual abusive father to New Vegas, she set up her own tech shop in the highway of the Sloan. Business almost shut down until a man with a pip-boy showed up. A guy named Luis showed up with his pip-boy to get it fixed. He turned the shop to a gun store for the NCR and racked up some cash. They both married after a year of dating, but Luis disappeared one day. She thinks the Legion might of taken him. She decide to join Richard's group after a promise from Roger.

I would still highly recommend putting descriptions in the actual story itself. I'm only constructively criticizing because I want to see these fics up to their full potential.

Alright, but I put the discreption in more of a way of a prologue

Not bad on the second chapter. The group reminds me of a RDR gang or something.

Chapter 2 is up fuckers, but only strider cares because you guys suck.

No offense, but it sucks (payback is a bitch, aint it?)

Spoiler:

You want more stuff happening instead of talking so much. Ok, but I'll need time, I am only 2 chapters in, maybe Ch. 4 or 5 will be less talking and more stuff happening.

Update 1 is now posted.

I liked it. It kept me intrigued throughout the chapter, and it's difficult to catch my reading attention.

That said, it looks like you made a lot of typos. Make sure you look those over and perhaps fix them.

Prologue 1 typos have been fixed. I was too tried to do it last time. Prologue 2 will be edited better.

Read Update 2.

Liking what you've done with Troy so far. I still noticed a few typo mistakes in both chapters, but it's significantly less now. If you do these on a word document, I'd recommend doing a spell/grammar check afterwards. I know it's helped me catch some mistakes in my writing.