A place where you can hang out and talk about almost anything! |
| | DRAGON FLAME | |
| | Author | Message |
---|
skullfest Citizen
Number of posts : 21 Location : china Name : woren Quote : visit htp://www.killitwithfire.forumotion.com Registration date : 2008-11-28
| Subject: DRAGON FLAME November 28th 2008, 4:01 pm | |
| DRAGON flame chap.1
(takes place on earth in a city) it about 2 in the morning a cople named debra and shadow just had sex .
debra: wow that was fun.
shadow: i know it was.
debra: well now (get cut off)
rober bracks in.
rober: give me all your money
shadow: oh shit what do we do.
they all hear cop sirens qickley the rober shoots the duge and runs away.
debra:oh shadow are you ok
shadow: yes ill be ok
5 minutes later shadow isnt doing GOOD
WILL shadow live find out next time in dragon flame.
Last edited by skullfest on November 28th 2008, 5:00 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
| | | skullfest Citizen
Number of posts : 21 Location : china Name : woren Quote : visit htp://www.killitwithfire.forumotion.com Registration date : 2008-11-28
| Subject: DRAGON FLAME chap 2 November 28th 2008, 4:47 pm | |
| CHAP.2
later that day shadow died.
9 months leter debra had a kid now she in the hospital.
debra:i wonder what i shale call him
debra: i know I will name him after his father . debra: so it shadow.
10 years later at shadows at his soccer tryouts.
shadow: wow this is a big feild ??????:hey you I think i know you. well im sora.
sora:oh and this is my best friend sonic (pointing at sonic)
sonic: hi
Then instily they all became friends but,there was something they were unhumanley about them.
shadow goes home.
shadow: mom i meet the coolet kids at tryouts.
one week later.
sonic: hey sora my mom wants to know if you mom whant to go to Florda with her
sora: well why dont you invite shadows mom while i call my mom
sonic ok
shadow :yeah my mom can make it.
sora: yeah me two
so all the parents got on the plain but the plain crash.
when the hero herd this the got realy angry so angry the went super sain.That when they knew they were sains for the first time.
what will the heros do now that there orphans find out next time on dragon flame. | |
| | | Roy Mustang Retired Staff
Number of posts : 567 Registration date : 2008-08-30
| Subject: Re: DRAGON FLAME November 28th 2008, 5:56 pm | |
| Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first. | |
| | | justinlynch3 Beast King
Number of posts : 4865 Age : 36 Location : Newfoundland Name : Justin Lynch. Quote : I needed one of these? Registration date : 2008-09-05
| Subject: Re: DRAGON FLAME December 4th 2008, 12:46 am | |
| - Roy Mustang wrote:
- Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.
Me to. You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start. First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does. Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit. | |
| | | Strider Zero Administrator
Number of posts : 9232 Location : McNeil Village Quote : The closer you get to something, the tougher it is to see it. Registration date : 2008-08-30
| Subject: Re: DRAGON FLAME December 5th 2008, 5:13 pm | |
| - justinlynch3 wrote:
- Roy Mustang wrote:
- Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.
Me to.
You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start.
First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does.
Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit. You have an excuse for your grammar since you live in Newfoundland. Skullfest lives in the US | |
| | | Ponky Poo Second of the Ring
Number of posts : 533 Registration date : 2008-10-21
| Subject: Re: DRAGON FLAME December 7th 2008, 1:26 pm | |
| - justinlynch3 wrote:
- Roy Mustang wrote:
- Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.
Me to.
You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start.
First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does.
Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit. That is good advice. S'pecially the grammer part. | |
| | | justinlynch3 Beast King
Number of posts : 4865 Age : 36 Location : Newfoundland Name : Justin Lynch. Quote : I needed one of these? Registration date : 2008-09-05
| Subject: Re: DRAGON FLAME December 7th 2008, 7:11 pm | |
| - EpicSilver wrote:
- justinlynch3 wrote:
- Roy Mustang wrote:
- Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.
Me to.
You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start.
First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does.
Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit. That is good advice. S'pecially the grammer part. Lol, just noticed I missed a n in amount | |
| | | Ponky Poo Second of the Ring
Number of posts : 533 Registration date : 2008-10-21
| Subject: Re: DRAGON FLAME December 7th 2008, 8:10 pm | |
| - justinlynch3 wrote:
- EpicSilver wrote:
- justinlynch3 wrote:
- Roy Mustang wrote:
- Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.
Me to.
You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start.
First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does.
Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit. That is good advice. S'pecially the grammer part. Lol, just noticed I missed a n in amount Oh the irony | |
| | | justinlynch3 Beast King
Number of posts : 4865 Age : 36 Location : Newfoundland Name : Justin Lynch. Quote : I needed one of these? Registration date : 2008-09-05
| Subject: Re: DRAGON FLAME December 7th 2008, 10:20 pm | |
| - EpicSilver wrote:
- justinlynch3 wrote:
- EpicSilver wrote:
- justinlynch3 wrote:
- Roy Mustang wrote:
- Wait, this is a fanfic? I thought it was a joke at first.
Me to.
You must literally be writing the first thing you thinks. Well, being the credic I am, let's start.
First, the story is advancing way, way to fast. I mean seriously, slow things down. Second, where's the detail. You don't even give your characters any apparence, how the hell are we surpose to know what they look like. Thrid, watch your spelling/grammer. Now I'm no expert speller myself, and makes my fair amout of mistakes, but you misspelled robber. I'm sure you know how to spell these simple words correctly, anyone here does.
Recommendation, I'd say start over since you only has 2 chapters up. Go into detail, slow things down, and maybe rethink the story a bit. That is good advice. S'pecially the grammer part. Lol, just noticed I missed a n in amount Oh the irony | |
| | | Roy Mustang Retired Staff
Number of posts : 567 Registration date : 2008-08-30
| Subject: Re: DRAGON FLAME December 11th 2008, 10:45 pm | |
| | |
| | | skullfest Citizen
Number of posts : 21 Location : china Name : woren Quote : visit htp://www.killitwithfire.forumotion.com Registration date : 2008-11-28
| Subject: Re: DRAGON FLAME August 17th 2009, 2:32 am | |
| | |
| | | Sponsored content
| Subject: Re: DRAGON FLAME | |
| |
| | | | DRAGON FLAME | |
|
Similar topics | |
|
| Permissions in this forum: | You cannot reply to topics in this forum
| |
| |
| |
|