Dragon Soul Discussion

One of the things that stood out was the way Ramsay handled (If you know what I mean ) the leader of the bandits. The closet pervert in me liked that scene, but part of me thought it was a little much. But then another part of me figured that this is realistic for someone who has an attractive female captive, as screwed up as that sounds. So I had mixed feelings on the encounter haha.

The funeral bit was okay to me. It wasn't bad, but also wasn't majorly impacting either. But that's really really hard to write, so I can't judge.

I figured Ramsay had power of his own and his introduction to them was good.

I like the idea about how you incorporated the thing with Mara and the assistant. That was creative.

Mara's drunken stupor was good while it lasted, but to be honest some of the over the top drunk stuff was a bit much.

Mara and Ramsay's relationship isn't very well defined yet. If that's intentional writing on your part, then that's fine. Sometimes people intentionally write ambiguity with relationships and it keeps suspense up.

I'm kind of waiting for some more defining and specific characteristics for Mara. She is the protagonist after all. So far, I've seen more of that from Ramsay and hence why he is my favorite character. Don't be afraid to add some depth to your protagonist with some quirks and/or personality idiosyncrasies.

Quote :

Werner: I will defeat you. Lucius help me!

He puts out his only remaining hand, and Lucius grabs it.

Lucius: (evil smile) Of course I will.

He throws him into the air and then blasts him into dust. Everyone is shocked at what they just saw.

Alright, so here's what I think about the latest chapter. I liked what Ramsey was able to do to Lucius. However, I don't know if I really like the fact that all of the CP9 abilities were copied to the T. It would probably be better if the moves were inspired by Rokushiki, but not exact copies. I also don't like the fact that Lucius was given the time to bandage himself. To properly do that, he'd have to stop the bleeding, otherwise just bandaging it would do little to nothing XD. For someone who's threatening Mara and the U.S, I think that might be a little too Saiyan-like for Ramsey. Just a minor thing I noticed.

The death was unexpected up until the end of the chapter. I was not expecting Mara to die this soon. Good job keeping things not predictable. I just wonder what will be introduced (the Dragon Balls?) that might bring her back. I also like that Ramsey is finally showing his power. Pissed off Ramsey is going to be good.

So like I said over text, not bad overall.

I appreciate the advice. I didn't know how to reference the six powers without completely coping them. Also the bandage scene I admit was badly written. It was intended to be a warrior using a piece of his shirt to quickly wrap the wound. I didn't read over the chapter as well as I should have. As for your last paragraph, I won't say, but I do hope that you will like what I have written.

Alright, first thing's first. Let's talk about the villains a little. They weren't bad, however there wasn't much time for appreciation for them. These were the guys that killed Mara's friends (and apparently she never found out about that), and they essentially went down within a few chapters. The only other time we really see them was the small talk stuff, which isn't bad, but didn't showcase the villain side of them. That said, however, apparently there's someone most likely far stronger than Lucius so I'm just gonna take a guess that they were actually small time.

To me, the better written moments were the training bits and of course when Ramsay's personality shone.

The Phoenix twist was not expected, so I'll give you credit for that definitely. I'm going to hold my comments about the actual concept itself until it is explained more in detail.

Pretty much everything else I've mentioned in specific chapter comments. Overall, interesting arc. Better than arc 1? Probably.